Gandhiji and me

I do not want to claim any greatness by clubbing my name with the Mahatma. I see this piece of writing as introspection on the influence of writings (on and by Gandhiji) on me. I neither consider myself fit to comment on Gandhiji nor have any grand dreams become like him. But, I have so many simple things to learn from him.

Earlier, I used to feel shameful to tell that I am doing something because Gandhiji also used to do so. I thought that others would regard it silly. But, Gandhiji never restrained himself from expressing himself. He told, wrote and did what he believed in or what as GOD enjoined him to do regardless how others may take it.

Shall I also not take this virtue from him? I occasionally do things either to impress others or not to anger them. But, my actions shall be more guided by my conscience and the values that I regard as irrevocable. There is always intentional or unintentional urge to get others’ approval for my actions. Perhaps, I want to write on the blog to be read by others. Am I ready to bear criticism and not disregard others’ views?

Gandhiji preached love, caring for others, non-violence not in expectation of any return, but as non-negotiable values. Is there not so much to pick from them?. There is instantaneous hatred or ill will for anyone whom I do not like. I sometimes despise the rich, the businessmen or the less intelligent. Can I help others out of hatred for some other people?

I may not be able to reach a stage whereby I do not carry an inch of ill will for those whom disapprove. Bur, shall I not continuously pursue stage by keeping Gandhiji in mind? After all, love for others keeps me emotionally stable and helps to take more rational decisions. I shall never forget to distinguish between the evil and evildoer. I shall have the courage to oppose the wrong, but never hate the person. I am reminded by others that too much ideals do not hold relevance in the present day world. Do we need to be shrewd to survive in a world marked by violence, vengeance, corruption etc? I do not know the answer. But, at least, there is no need to deviate right at the beginning from the values that I value so such. Let me go ahead with the hypothesis and experiment as I move along.

The most difficult challenge that I face after reading about Gandhiji is what kind of life shall I live? What is luxury and what is a necessity? My heart is with Gandhiji when he says tat bread can be eaten only after physical toil. So, shall I wash my clothes, cook food for myself and clean the room and utensils? I read that Babu Rajendraprasadji used to wash his clothes even after he became the president. I do not dare to quote about Gandhiji because he had set such precedents of austerity and physical labour that I cannot do justice to him.

But, is Mahatma only an epitome of selflessness and modesty who can neither be emulated fully nor be followed practicably? Where I need draw the line? Sometimes, I feel that efficiency shall not be hampered by savings. Gunjan also tells me the same. It is rue that by spending little extra or even more, many things can be done better. I today’s world of filthy cities, I may even fall ill if I am too fussy about savings. Cleanliness and hygiene come with price. Even good health through nutritious food is not free of cost. But, I continue to suffer from the psychological disorder of spending little and limiting to necessities because others cannot afford it.

Whether I like or not, comfort gets redefined everyday in this fast moving world. Gandhiji was even opposed to railways. But, the truth remains that he could not have reached to so many millions in distant places without railways. At least I am clear that I do not want to become a fundamentalist opposed comfort and technology. There are no mutually contradictory propositions. The old and the new, the rich and the poor, the good and the evil will remain forever for mutual benefit.

What do I take from him about my food and physical stamina? Though my experimentation with food started little early, the real fuel was provided by his small booklets. I went to the extreme of hating normal food as utterly useless and used to tell the same to others. But, without scientific rigor, I reduced my diet to such an extent that I developed body pains. Later, only when amma forced me to eat properly during her stay, I recovered. Now, I realize that fitness is a primary necessity to my health and my desire to do fruitful work. The alternative items such as brown rice, jaggery, sprouts are definitely good. But they should not lead to repulsion of other food. Ultimate guide shall be my fitness. Gandhiji walked 241 miles during Dandi satyagraha when he was 61 years old. If public duty is my aim, I shall carefully nurture my body to support it.

Now I want to write about oaths that Gandhiji used to take. He used to publicly declare them and later disclose any deviations from them. I took cues from Gandhiji and took certain oaths not to repeat the mistakes. I realized that oaths help. I derive more and more strength by sticking to them like my oath not to eat non-veg. But, Gandhiji used to take oaths on the name of GOD. I am not so religious as him. I agree that I am slightly arrogant not to do even a bit of prayer everyday. I tell myself that I am modest, rational and awareful of mistakes through reflection. Somewhere, it strikes me inside that bind allegiance of GOD is also not inferior. Many a time, there is more comfort and peace of mind in following faith rather than logic and rationality.

“GOD spoke to me through Chauri Chaura” – Gandhiji declared when he suspended the non-cooperation movement. He invoked GOD’s name whenever he fasted. Will I also derive more strength, resolve and determination if I put faith in GOD? I am only sure to the extent that GOD is a formless ‘being’ who exists in our perception. The notion of GOD can definitely help m to realize my mistakes and not be self-conceited. But, is it not a mistake to revere GOD in expectation of his blessings and some good fortune? The positives shall be seen as his blessings and negatives as an opportunity for introspection and reminder of my inadequacies.

Finally, I realize that I am still not compelled to go for any daily prayer reciting few mantras. I agree that there is orderliness, inner beauty in performing such rituals as amma does everyday. But, I am not motivated to do them. I am still hopeful that the absence of ituals does not reduce my faith in HIM and does not lead to vanity.

Gandhiji told that all our actions must be subordinated to the ultimate purpose of ublic duty. He preferred even Brahmacharya for this. I neither dismiss it as foolish not impractical through I do not want to follow it. I definitely realize the need to be less lustful so that the energies are more creatively used for public good. But, what after all is public good? Do only selfless actions qualify as public service? I do not know. Presently, I believe that even if I read good books to appreciate new thoughts to broaden my perspective, I am doing public service. It looks to be selfish to claim so, but I cannot lead to any definite understanding now.

Gandhiji went to the extreme extent of not allowing his children to study abroad what he studies even with the scholarships offered by his clients. But, is it not selfish to endeavor to look impartial to outsiders and gain sympathy from them? Finally his elder son Harilal became his staunch opponent and finally an alcoholic and destitute. May be even the Mahatma is not completely perfect. But, he never claimed to be perfect and great. It is we who set such standards for him and feel deceived when he could not meet them an despondent when we cannot match them at all.

He openly urges that consistency is not any great virtue and was more happy to find his own mistakes. So, I do not need to feel miserable when I cannot match him. I m not committing any sin if I am taking care and comfort to enhance efficiency to do more. Let me accept beforehand that I can only be self-less and not self-nil.

I feel embarrassed to call myself a Gandhian because I may not be even following one-millionth of what he did. What do I take from him? Five virtues that I take from him are truth – to myself and others, resolve – commitment to my beliefs and goals, tolerance – to opposing beliefs, compassion for the poor, humility. Are they lofty ideals that I may fail to do justice? I take them as simple values that can guide my actions.